When a relationship ends it is emotional for both people. It can sometimes feel as if your heart is being ripped out, but just because the relationship ended it does not mean your feelings do. You may feel like binging ice cream, pine for your partner at odd hours, and text at two in the morning, no matter how hard you try to let them go, you cannot seem to manage it. It is healthy to let go of someone who no longer wants you, but it requires work.
There are many reasons it is tough to let go of an ex with the most obvious being they are still in your life somehow. When you are holding onto feelings for someone, allowing them in your life in any capacity will end up hurting you more. Even things like meeting as “friends, stalking their social media, and contacting them just because you are lonely can prolong the suffering. When you do these things, you are allowing the feelings to fester, keeping them very real in your life. You are not giving yourself a reason to move on or a reason to try. This is likely because you are afraid to move forward. You gave your all to a relationship that did not work and you are not willing to try again, but also do not want to feel totally alone. Instead, you create this limbo for yourself in which you are not together, but you hold onto “together” feelings. The person feels familiar and a bond exists, but you must break it. It may feel like the pain will last forever, but it does not have to if you do the work.
Learn to Let Go and Move On
- Allow Time to Grieve – It is okay to be sad and you are entitled to grieve a relationship that ended. It was real, but did not last which is hard because your heart was on the line and was broken. Being sad is part of the mending process so go through the pain instead of pushing it down.
- Spend Time Alone – After the ending of the relationship, you have to practice being alone again. Whether you dated a few months or lived together for years, you must relearn to do things on your own as someone who is single. You are still who you were, but you must get to know yourself again. Try activities like cooking foods you loved, but they did not or watching shows they hated. Spend time in your comfy clothes and forget to shave a few days. There is freedom in being comfortable being alone. When it is too hard to be alone, call in your family and friends for support. They will help you remember just how wonderful you are on your own.
- Release Control of Your Emotions – It can be tough, but we must be willing to love freely. When we hold tight to emotions and control every aspect of a relationship, it is harder to let go. When we love freely, we can also accept endings. Nothing lasts forever so it is best to appreciate things in the moment instead of living in fear of losing them. Some day you can look back and be thankful for what the relationship gave you and taught you.
- Choose to Let Go – Though it won’t happen overnight, eventually you will let go of the relationship. You need to make a decision to do so, even though it is not easy. Be grateful for the relationship while it lasted and the love you feel, but understand it is time to move on. Time helps as you put distance between yourself and the relationship. Promise yourself to work toward a better future and set goals to work on to keep you moving forward.
- Love Again – Once you are ready to move on, you can let love back into your life. Maybe the idea of loving again seems impossible, but love will come again. Figure out what you need in a partner and then start dating again. Someone better will come along and bring with them hope.
Break-ups are difficult and while a self-help blog can be beneficial, ask for more help if needed. Talk to a friend, family member, or even a therapist if you are struggling. Surround yourself with those that love you and let them help you heal.