Win Back Your Ex!

Break-ups are painful and its tricky when you feel like a small misstep led to the love of your life walking out the door.  First, attraction is fickle and can fluctuates with time.  Someone can be drawn to a person at a particular time, but not in later months.  Although this is painful to comprehend, things don’t suddenly change overnight.

Think back to when you noticed small, but substantive changes.  Perhaps they didn’t reply to your call as quickly, or they stopped being flirtatious.  Then it devolved to being excluded from plans or long gaps between dates.  You began to intuitively know something was off and your relationship was on shaky ground.  When they ended things will you, they felt closure while you felt devasted.

There is a silver lining.  Unless the damage in your relationship is irreversible, there is a chance that feelings can return in the future.  Just like their feelings faded previously, there is a chance they could be rekindled in the right situation.

Take the following steps to increase your odds of winning back your ex!

  1. End Contact Immediately After a Break-Up

Let’s face it, people are emotional after a break-up.  Avoid saying something you might regret or looking desperate by distancing yourself from your ex.  This gives you both time to heal and process your next steps.  Your ex will ultimately respect you more for giving them space.  Let them reach out to you.  If they mention just wanting to be friends, be honest with your intentions of wanting the door to remain open to rekindling your romance when it is healthy for you both.

  1. You Will Never Have the Same Relationship

The old relationship is dead, but this allows you to create healthier dynamics in the future.  Look at what made your relationship fail and create avenues to correct those problems.  Making these critical improvements should time well with the period it should take to let love rebloom.  Just like it took time for your love to fade, it will take time for your ex to feel romantically inclined again.

  1. Go Slow

When you ex reaches out to you suggest an informal place to reunite.  Focus on having fun and getting to know each other again.  By taking a more relaxed outlook, you can rebuild your friendship, which should be the foundation for any romance. Avoid acting needy or possessive.

  1. No Expectations

Have easy, free-flowing conversations without placing a relationship-label on the dynamic.  Try to avoid talking about feelings or “heavy” topics.  Instead use the time to discover common interests and enjoyable things you can do together.  Whenever possible follow their lead.  By going at their pace, you can make sure they don’t feel overwhelmed or find you codependent.

Focusing on respect and admiration, can slowly build love.  Before you know it, your ex will begin to experience warm and fuzzy feelings about you again.  This will build their attraction to you and see you as a desirable romantic partner.  You might even hear them ask “what exactly are we?”  This is a great sign that you are on your way back to becoming lovers.

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