How To Handle A Lover with Trust Issues

Trust, it’s the foundation of any healthy relationship.  It is the core of what it means to love and be loved.  When you trust a person, you let down any guard.  You risk being vulnerable and potentially being hurt.

What people often fail to mention is trust is essentially faith.  You can’t predict what the future has in store.  But despite any odds, you believe with your whole heart, body, and mind that your lover will not do anything to cause either of you harm.  Trust is tricky, in that it is polarizing.  Either one gives it away too readily, or they are stingy.  When a person gets hurts, they build an impenetrable wall.  This wall will protect them from heartache or disappointment, right?!  Wrong, it prevents that person from embracing the adventure that is the unknown.  There cannot be sincere love without trust.

But what do you do when someone you love doesn’t seem to trust you?  You feel like you constantly have to defend why you are going somewhere, or the people you will be seeing.  Perhaps you must explain why you chose to wear an outfit or why you made that purchase.  It seems like you constantly have to say that you aren’t lying to them.  So much so, that you have begun to even question yourself about your actions and motives.  Your love’s actions have begun to take a toll on the relationship.  Why should you have to mend their broken heart and life?  You weren’t responsible for hurting them, so why does the onus of their healing have to rest so firmly on your shoulders?

Start by reminding yourself this is not your problem.  You can’t be responsible for anyone’s actions but your own.  Sure, you love this person and you are faithful to them.  You want to see them happy and free from any pain.  Remind yourself that you are worthy of being trusted.  Although you are willing to help them on their journey of healing you can not be expected to do all the work.

The foundation of any relationship is trust.  Talk to them in a loving manner, about your concerns and the affect their actions are having on your union.  Share that you are there to help, encourage and love them.  But they will have to find professional assistance in tackling their pain and learning how to trust.  Then model healthy trusting behaviors and encourage them to ask you questions on how you traverse any murky situation or doubts.  Keeping open lines of communications will help you both and allow them to better process the advice of their therapist.  However, if they refuse to get help and become paranoid you need to be willing to walk away from the relationship.

Leave a Reply