It’s frustrating when you’re eager to take your romantic relationship to the next level, but your partner isn’t quite ready to commit. But even he keeps putting it off or making lame excuses, don’t blame yourself. He may have issues, or he may feel uncomfortable talking about commitment.
Men who aren’t ready to commit, for whatever reason, don’t like being pressured. But there are some subtle things you can do to encourage the process to move along.
Here are five tips you can use to help him commit:
- Be compatible with his friends.
Getting along with your partner’s friends is among the most important aspects of a romantic relationship. It will reduce stress levels and strain in your relationship.
It’s normal for men (and women!) to want to do things with their friends and just spend time together. It’s good for us all to have that outlet. Preventing him from seeing his friends isn’t wise. You can be the “cool” girlfriend by encouraging him to continue seeing his friends, by expressing genuine interest in their lives and pursuits, and by sharing laughs with them. Your partner will feel proud when his friends comment on how great you are.
When he wants to do things with his friends, don’t stop him. You’re not his mother. Show him it’s okay with you.
- Be his biggest fan.
Celebrate his accomplishments, share his dreams, and be genuinely interested in the things he has to say. This will help him be more open with you. If you shut down everything he says, he’ll start keeping things to himself, leaving you to discover things about his life from others.
If he hasn’t opened up to you about his ambitions and dreams, you can open the conversation. Ask him about them, and listen to his answers with an open mind.
- Maintain your own life.
If you enjoy your life on your own as well as the life you share with him, he’ll see he can do the same. Stay in contact with your friends and continue with your hobbies. Having hobbies also reduces stress levels.
Even if you just occasionally meet friends for lunch or dinner, or continue going to the gym as you did before, you’ll be enjoying activities that don’t involve your partner. If he wants to do something without you, don’t begrudge him. Do something you enjoy doing without him. You don’t depend on him, and he doesn’t depend on you.
It’s important that you both keep enjoying other things. This keeps your relationship vibrant and gives you things to discuss. Spending time apart will also prevent boredom and make you miss each other.
- Don’t idolize him.
Don’t treat him as though he’s a god, and don’t let him control you. If he buys gifts, graciously accept them. Don’t let him think he can buy control over you. You are the only person who controls your life. Make this clear by expressing confidence in yourself. Show him you’re a clever, strong woman who knows how to take care of herself. Would you like it if he made you stop things you like to do? Of course not. So, don’t stop him.
- Make him realize he needs you.
To commit, a man needs to realize that he needs you in his life as much as you need him. But you can’t just say, “You need me!” and expect him to agree immediately. No, he needs to realize this for himself. But you can provide a little help! The best way to do this involves three simple words: Keep telling him “I love you.”
The more he says it back, the quicker he’ll realize that you’re an important part of his life.
Some Final Thoughts
Helping your man commit will take time and effort on your part. You want him to know you’re ready to take the relationship to the next level, but you don’t want to be obsessed or demanding.
Keep the relationship interesting! Do something new together, go on date nights, or try something new in bed. Don’t give everything up to be with him. Stay involved with your friends, keep up with your hobbies, and continue working out as you did before. You can keep doing all those things while you’re in a relationship. It’s important to show him you enjoy both time with him and time away from him. You don’t need him around to have fun, and he doesn’t have to take care of you. You can do those things yourself! You just happen to enjoy his company, too.
If you rely too heavily on your partner, he may see you as a burden rather than a joy. The less stress you cause him, the more likely he’ll be to feel at ease, connect with you more deeply, and commit to you.